Brace yourself for some seriously hot stuff.
Scorpios have an unfair rap for a lot of things, like being the sign most associated with demonic possessions and serial killers. (Really.)
However, we totally deserve the reputation we have for being the sexiest sign of the zodiac. Sex with a Scorpio is just sexier than sex with any other sign because sex is our thing.
Really, remember in Chris Rock’s song “No Sex (In The Champagne Room)?” Even he explains: “Scorpio, you’re gonna die f*ckin’.”
Still, it’s not all sunshine and rainbows and whips and chains. Here are nine sometimes hard-to-swallow truths about having sex with a Scorpio. Brace yourself, kids.
1. Scorpios have an endless sex drive.
If you were born between October 23 and November 21, no matter what your age or gender, you will have the libido of a somewhat perverted 15-year-old boy. If you’re with a Scorpio, he or she will be ready and willing whenever you are. Unless you make them angry, in which case, join the witness protection program and hope for the best.
2. Resistance is futile.
Sure, you might try to fight it but honestly, don’t bother. Scorpio magnetism is undeniable. If a Scorpio wants you, you will want them back. It may not always happen at the right time, but it always will happen. You may as well give in when the going’s good.
3. Scorpios are able to take clues well — if they even need any.
A Scorpio will generally have an almost sixth sense about what you want and need in bed, quite possibly knowing even more about your carnal desires than you do. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth (or any other orifice). Just appreciate it and try your best to reciprocate.
4. Expect a Scorpio to take any and all sexual encounters very, very seriously.
For as ferocious a sex drive as Scorpios have, don’t expect them to put out just because you want them to. They’re picky about partners and don’t trust easily so if they’re letting you in and allowing you to penetrate all the walls they put up, know that they’ll want to feel safe and secure afterward. (Sorry not sorry for those puns.) Whether or not a Scorpio says so, he or she wants to cuddle and hear from you post-coitus.
5. Scorpios rule the genitals.
They’ve either already done it or at least thought about whatever weird activity you may want to spring on them. As a result, even if he or she isn’t into a particular sexual practice, you won’t be judged for wanting to try it. If Christian Grey rolled up, a Scorpio would just glance over his playroom and paperwork and be like, “Okay. And?”
7. Don’t expect a friends-with-benefits situation to work.
As much as Scorpios enjoy f*cking, a f*ck buddy arrangement will never work, no matter how hard you both try and insist that it will. The Scorpio will either get too obsessive or you will (because they’re that good). If you’re not after something serious, expect mutual resentment if it goes south or if you play around with other partners.
8. Scorpios never kiss and tell.
We’re fiercely private. We expect the same respect and discretion from you, or else good luck boning us again.
9. Scorpios always come prepared.
Because we’re used to getting what we want and because we’re sex on wheels, we’re always ready whenever sex is going to happen. A Scorpio will always have a condom handy an we’ll insist you use it because, well, we don’t like weird rashes nor do most of us want anything to do with children. Do not fight this, because …
10. Sex with a Scorpio is the best you will ever have.
Scorpios get a lot of guff for being moody and obsessive but guess where that comes in handy? The boudoir. Because we’re obsessed with sex, we’re constantly in some way immersed in it, and we’re masters of it. Take several seats, Dr. Kinsey.